Whenever he's in town, I like to head to Portland attend David Sedaris readings. He usually reads a few short stories from his latest or upcoming book and then follows that with some excerpts from his diary. My lady contends that only 12 year-old girls own diaries and grown-ups keep journals. I don't really keep either. This is about as close as I come. My kids have one though. In truth, we keep it updated with odd things they say. And tonight, I'm mailing it in and posting some of his greatest hits.
Miles: "A guitar has five strings, but a luke-a-lady [ukulele] has four strings!"
Miles: "Peuw, mom!"
Mom: "What's peuw?"
Miles: "It means you gotta throw away stuff."
Miles: "Jackson is my favorite pet!"
Miles: "Sometimes poo-poo is hard and sometimes poo-poo is easy."
Miles: "If I was a snail, I would eat some guk!"
Miles: "Daddy...you have band-aid, and I have a band-aid on my ankle. After a while, we can take them off and they won't hurt. They won't bug us. You know what bugs me?"
Me: "What's that?"
Miles: "Lady bugs."
Miles has started calling Jackson a 'wanker' when he cries. Parents not happy.
One morning, Miles has stripped naked, as is customary for him every other hour. As he lays in our bed he asks: "Can I have a yogurt?"
Mom: "Sure. Why don't you go grab one from the fridge?"
Miles: "I'm too naked! The refrigerator would be too cold on my belly!"
Miles insists on count-downs for things: 3...2...1
He prefers: "Uh one, two...uh one-two-three-four" (Springsteen style).
Miles climbs the ladder outside that I have up for adjusting the DirecTV dish.
Me: "You're tall."
Miles: "Does that mean that I can have a grown-up drink now?"
One night on a walk, Rachel fixed Miles a 'mini-snack' for the usual three-mile stroll.
Mom: "I fixed you a little mini-snack."
Miles: "Would fix me a Mickey snack instead?"
In the middle of the night:
Miles: "Mom...will my new drum sticks be here when I wake up from my snooze?"
Mom: "No, it will be a few days."
Miles: "Ok. (pause) I'm just gonna lay here and think about them, then."
Miles: "That potato salad at the wedding was the bomb-diggity!"
Miles pronounces 'breakfast' as 'brecks-fest'.
Miles: "When you're at the beach, you say 'hello-ha.'
Miles: "Another word for 'ouch' is 'expensive.' That's what Jude (our babysitter) says."
Miles: "If just got back from Antarctica, I would ask from hot chocolate when I came home.