Whenever he's in town, I like to head to Portland attend David Sedaris readings.  He usually reads a few short stories from his latest or upcoming book and then follows that with some excerpts from his diary.  My lady contends that only 12 year-old girls own diaries and grown-ups keep journals.  I don't really keep either.  This is about as close as I come.  My kids have one though.  In truth, we keep it updated with odd things they say.  And tonight, I'm mailing it in and posting some of his greatest hits.


Miles: "A guitar has five strings, but a luke-a-lady [ukulele] has four strings!"


Miles: "Peuw, mom!"

Mom: "What's peuw?"

Miles: "It means you gotta throw away stuff."


Miles: "Jackson is my favorite pet!"


Miles: "Sometimes poo-poo is hard and sometimes poo-poo is easy."


Miles: "If I was a snail, I would eat some guk!"


Miles: "Daddy...you have band-aid, and I have a band-aid on my ankle.  After a while, we can take them off and they won't hurt.  They won't bug us.  You know what bugs me?"

Me: "What's that?"

Miles: "Lady bugs."


Miles has started calling Jackson a 'wanker' when he cries.  Parents not happy.


One morning, Miles has stripped naked, as is customary for him every other hour.  As he lays in our bed he asks: "Can I have a yogurt?"

Mom: "Sure.  Why don't you go grab one from the fridge?"

Miles: "I'm too naked!  The refrigerator would be too cold on my belly!" 


Miles insists on count-downs for things: 3...2...1 

He prefers: "Uh one, two...uh one-two-three-four" (Springsteen style).


Miles climbs the ladder outside that I have up for adjusting the DirecTV dish.

Me: "You're tall."

Miles: "Does that mean that I can have a grown-up drink now?"


One night on a walk, Rachel fixed Miles a 'mini-snack' for the usual three-mile stroll.

Mom: "I fixed you a little mini-snack."

Miles: "Would fix me a Mickey snack instead?"


In the middle of the night:

Miles: "Mom...will my new drum sticks be here when I wake up from my snooze?"

Mom: "No, it will be a few days."

Miles: "Ok.  (pause) I'm just gonna lay here and think about them, then."


Miles: "That potato salad at the wedding was the bomb-diggity!"


Miles pronounces 'breakfast' as 'brecks-fest'.


Miles: "When you're at the beach, you say 'hello-ha.'


Miles: "Another word for 'ouch' is 'expensive.' That's what Jude (our babysitter) says."


Miles: "If just got back from Antarctica, I would ask from hot chocolate when I came home.