In Minority Report (a movie I've been trying to rewatch over the last week but am continually interrupted by sick kids, royal weddings and a job), the cops of the future have these "sick-sticks" that prompt instant vomiting upon physical contact. You'd think I was whacking my kids upside the head those over the last five days. Yes, five days. That's a lot of carpet cleaner (we've rented a rug doctor twice this week alone). Although one of the proudest moments of my life occurred tonight when Miles actually recognized the feeling of pre-puke and avoided soaking the carpet altogether. I was near tears...but that may also have been the smell.
Speaking of Minority Report, it is one of two movies a father should NOT watch before taking his son swimming at a crowded public pool (spoiler alert: Tom Cruise loses his son at one; and I really shouldn't have to alert readers to this. The movie came out a long time ago and it was a blockbuster. If you didn't see it, that's on you, not me.). The second pre-pool move to avoid is Caddyshack for reasons I won't go into. I took Miles swimming tonight after we sang 'Say it Ain't So' by Weezer four straight times in the truck on the way there. Each time we hit the guitar solo..I kid you not...Miles shut his eyes and air guitared with the same intensity usually reserved for a 3-2 count in the World Series. It was all I could do to keep the truck between the lines.
Incidentally, here are a couple public pool rules that I observed tonight:
Rule #1. If you're over 260 lbs, please swim near me. It makes me feel svelte and Ryan Reynoldsesque. Bonus points if you're hairy.
Rule #2. The toddler wading pool is not a place for middle-aged couples to make out. It's just untidy.
*I just had to run upstairs and clean out the bucket next to Miles bed. I nearly yelled "TWO FOR TWO!" to no one in particular as I walked back downstairs. This kid is a machine.
Rule #3. This isn't so much a rule as it was a commentary and observation. While I was watching Miles (and the couple with little regard to their surroundings) in the wading pool, I also noticed two sevenish-year-old kids trying to climb into an oversized bucket that was floating on the surface. With each attempt, and there were many, they fall back into the murky fathoms below (about eight inches of water). While I admired their perseverance, I couldn't help but think they'd either a) slip and fall in the locker room shower b) but their shoes on the wrong feet before leaving or c) both.